I have realized recently that my view of others, what I value most, and my outlook on life has changed quite a bit. Before becoming a mama to precious special needs girl, I thought life needed to operate in just a certain way to be "good". It just isn't so y'all. I am still learning to be chill when things happen differently than I would have planned. I'm thankful my journey was planned by God and not by me.
I've realized I'm stronger than I thought possible when it comes to my girl. I do find myself in defense mode more than I like because sadly it has been a necessity. I'm still learning to respond to the constant questions, comments, stares, etc. with calmness and a gentle heart and tongue. I really would like to throat punch and scream, but I have a little girl who is watching my every move. It's exhausting always being everything I need to be for my girl. Though it's exhausting ,and I'm not sure when I slept all the way through the night last, I would not change being her mama.
I've learned to really appreciate the kind words and actions of others. It's so easy to be negative and poke fun at others, but what good does that do? However, sharing a smile, hug, and kindness shows you care. I'm working to improve in the area. Some examples that have brightened my day have been a lady in Wal*Mart telling me, "You seem like a good mama." She said this to watching me talk to Libby about stopping at the end of an isle and look to see if others are coming. She could have walked right on by us, but her simple, short comment made my day! A hug from one of my girl's therapists after a challenging session made my day! Smiles. When someone smiles at me, I smile back. Day made. I'm praying to become more encouraging to those around me.
I'm learning to be okay with where we're at. Lately, it's been a hard place. Life has been throwing punches as soon as we think we're on our feet and then we're knocked on our butts again. I have realized though that even when things are straight up hard, we still have our joy. There will be tears, anger, fussing, but ultimately joy.
Being a special needs mama has made me step back from judging. I used to think when a child was screaming in a store that his/her parents needed to do more. I now know that it just isn't always the case. I'm usually the one with the screaming child. I do the best I can, and it still happens. You know what? It's okay too.
There is more I wanted to say, but it has taken me an incredibly long time to just type this because.... I'm a mama. HA! It feels good to be blogging again. Until next time.
