Three Weeks Later

Here we are three weeks later.

21 days have come and gone, and the hurt of our failed/disrupted/whatever adoption hurts so badly. For 8 months we went to appointments to check on and see the little boy who we hoped to be our son. There were meetings with our lawyer, meals and other times spent bonding with the birth mom and her son, A relationship was formed but now gone.

There is so much hurt straight to the core and more tears than I've ever cried before.

The first days were so very hard, but we were loved on so much by friends and family during that time. We're forever thankful to the love poured out to us on those first days.

Now that we're moving forward and have returned to the daily routines, the pain and hurt have not gone away. The room that was once a nursery is now a family game room. Thanks to the help of two precious friends, we were able to dismantle the nursery and get rid of/sell all the baby items we'd been collecting for the past several months.

Though we're going about our days like "normal" Charlie and I are still hurting (sometimes it feels unbearable). It seems like the world and life are just moving on. It's incredibly hard to keep smiling and comfort others who are also hurt by this loss when we're so deeply hurt ourselves. We're struggling. I simply don't know how else to say it.

To the loved ones who are still checking in on us and letting us know that we're in your prayers, thank you big time. It means the world to us. We are blessed some loved ones who are walking this hard, sad road with us, and we realize it's a lot.

We're going to keep trusting in Jesus and clinging to Him. We know there is a reason for all of this even though we don't understand even the tiniest bit why we're going through all of this excruciating pain. God's plan is best, and we trust Him.

Sunshine

Having a child with special needs brings many concerns, and one of those concerns is, "Will my child have genuine friendships?" Last year I began to see a very special friendship blossom, and my concern in this area began to wither away. I now no longer lose sleep thinking and praying about Libby's friendships. In fact, last night I couldn't stop thinking about how thankful and blessed we are that this little girl has befriended Libby.

This little girl immediately bonded with Libby, and they've been two peas in a pod since. She's Libby's Sunshine, I'll refer to the little girl as Sunshine because that's a perfect description of her. She radiates happiness and love everywhere she goes. I've had the privilege of watching Sunshine in many situations, and I'm constantly in awe of how she responds in love and pursues bringing happiness to those around her.

❤❤❤❤❤

One of the things I love most about Sunshine is that she sees, treats, and plays with Libby as another little girl. She doesn't see the labels, hearing aids, braces, and other differences as red flags. She truly sees Libby for who she is, a little girl. Sunshine has an understanding and loving heart that I feel sure is made of pure gold, and I couldn't ask for a better friend for my daughter.

Libby loves Sunshine so much that we watch a video of her singing nearly every day. Libby talks about her often and lights up when she sees Sunshine. I know that Sunshine loves Libby just as much. Today I asked her if she wanted a printed picture of Libby, and she immediately did a happy dance and kissed the picture.

Sunshine cheering Libby on at one of her ballgames.

My mama heart is overflowing with thankfulness and love. I am forever grateful that Sunshine came into our lives and that she is my little girl's person. I'm also thankful that Sunshine has parents who are teaching her that special needs kids are, in fact, just kids. Her parents have been such an encouragement to my family, and we're thankful for their friendship as well. 

Punches

Didn't I just write about praying for strength and courage? Yep, I sure did. Perhaps God is indeed trying to teach us to rely on Him for both of those things. We're doing our best to continue to pray continually to avoid the funk that keeps trying to pull us in. Often we're in the fake it 'til you make it crowd.

In the last couple months each doctor visit, meeting, evaluation, etc. leaves us feeling like we've been punched in the gut. Sometimes repeatedly. We are blessed to have great teachers, therapists, doctors, and nurses helping us help Libby reach her full potential. Part of that is for them to sometimes deliver news that, for lack of a better phrase, straight up sucks. In almost every case, they feel the hurt and disappointment right alongside us. That helps. Truly it does. Sometimes we hold the tears in until we get to the car and other times we rush to sit/lay on nasty bathroom floors and sob uncontrollably. These pieces of news leave us awake until the wee hours of the morning researching, praying, and double checking to see if we can do anything else to help our little girl.

Bottom line... Libby is still progressing. It may not be at the rate we want, but progress is wonderful. Some things will be tweaked to hopefully help her out. We're thankful, oh so thankful, when plans are put into place after the punches are delivered. Okay, we're here. Let's give this our best shot to help her progress. That does so much good for our souls!

Sometimes when it seems like all we focus on is the negative, we try to fix our minds on the positive and the progress.

Today, Libby ate nearly 1,500 calories and is hovering at 30 pounds. She's gaining the weight back! She was able to control her impuslivity so much better for the hearing screening today despite the frequent mention of impulsivity from the audiologists. It was an improvement though so WIN! She was able to play at a small playground and verbally tell us when she was too hot. She's met some IEP goals this school year and gained a ton of new words, phrases, knowledge, skills, and friends. She has NOT disassembled her hearing aids in almost a week! She voiced that she ONLY wanted the "cute,sparkly Frozen shoes" at the Crocs store. Yep, I caved and bought Crocs because I was so stinkin' proud of how descriptive she was.

For now, I'm off to do a bit more research and spend some time in prayer.

Strength & Courage

I'm claiming this verse for our family. God is faithful and has guided us each step of the way. We don't always listen to Him like we should, but I'm so thankful He doesn't give up on us.

Truth is this journey of parenting a special needs child brings a degree of fear and discouragement. We try super hard to see the positive in everything, but there are times when it's a challenge. We've learned that it's okay to live in the moment, celebrate the victories, cherish each other, and to plan what we can. What we can't plan, we're learning to be okay with. God has used this journey to teach us that not everything has to be mapped out or just so. Our lives probably look like a hot mess, but it's a fun hot mess. HA!

Discouragement is also part of this special needs parenting journey. It just is. Sometimes we don't get results or news that we like to hear. It is hard to swallow and it hurts to the deepest core of our beings. BUT Joy comes in the morning. We're learning to mourn when we receive hard results/news and to do our very best to move on the next day. Our precious girl brings us so much joy that she often pulls us out of that sad place. We are so blessed that she's our girl!

So we will take on each day with as much strength and courage as possible and pray continually for both. We are so thankful for those who support us and pray for us! If you would like, will you help us pray for strength and courage? 

Still Learning

I have realized recently that my view of others, what I value most, and my outlook on life has changed quite a bit. Before becoming a mama to precious special needs girl, I thought life needed to operate in just a certain way to be "good". It just isn't so y'all. I am still learning to be chill when things happen differently than I would have planned. I'm thankful my journey was planned by God and not by me. 

I've realized I'm stronger than I thought possible when it comes to my girl. I do find myself in defense mode more than I like because sadly it has been a necessity. I'm still learning to respond to the constant questions, comments, stares, etc. with calmness and a gentle heart and tongue. I really would like to throat punch and scream, but I have a little girl who is watching my every move. It's exhausting always being everything I need to be for my girl. Though it's exhausting ,and I'm not sure when I slept all the way through the night last, I would not change being her mama. 

I've learned to really appreciate the kind words and actions of others. It's so easy to be negative and poke fun at others, but what good does that do? However, sharing a smile, hug, and kindness shows you care. I'm working to improve in the area. Some examples that have brightened my day have been a lady in Wal*Mart telling me, "You seem like a good mama." She said this to watching me talk to Libby about stopping at the end of an isle and look to see if others are coming. She could have walked right on by us, but her simple, short comment made my day! A hug from one of my girl's therapists after a challenging session made my day! Smiles. When someone smiles at me, I smile back. Day made. I'm praying to become more encouraging to those around me. 

I'm learning to be okay with where we're at. Lately, it's been a hard place. Life has been throwing punches as soon as we think we're on our feet and then we're knocked on our butts again. I have realized though that even when things are straight up hard, we still have our joy. There will be tears, anger, fussing, but ultimately joy. 

Being a special needs mama has made me step back from judging. I used to think when a child was screaming in a store that his/her parents needed to do more. I now know that it just isn't always the case. I'm usually the one with the screaming child. I do the best I can, and it still happens. You know what? It's okay too. 

There is more I wanted to say, but it has taken me an incredibly long time to just type this because.... I'm a mama. HA! It feels good to be blogging again. Until next time. 

Things That Help

At our last support group meeting (for special needs parents) the topic was "Caring for the Caretaker". Oh my, it was GREAT! A suggestion was made to make a list of things that make us feel better or take away stress. I'm sharing my list. Mostly for my own benefit because as the speaker shared, you cannot think of what to do when it gets "bad". If I'm being honest, a good week at our house has a minimum of 1 "bad day".

Things That Help 

• A hot shower without worry of Libby getting hurt if it's just the 2 of us. 
• A home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook
• Going to a movie
• Going to bed early or taking a nap
• Chilling watching TV with no other distractions
• Sewing alone
• A walk, bike ride, or trip to the gym
• Going to Target
• Enjoying a cup of coffee at a coffee shop
• A pedicure

Now, let's see if I'll remember to look back at these when I am offered a little escape on bad days. 

Not a Phase

For two and a half years we have dealt with certain behaviors with Libby. There are times where they almost disappear and times, like now, where they're very present. As she's growing and learning more, she's added more.

Today I have been hit with a fist, palm, and a book. The fist was to the eye and so hard it needed ice. I was spat on, kicked, pinched, and scratched. This is usually accompanied by yelling, growling, mumbling. The majority of this happened in a 30 minute time span.

Days like today are hard. Very hard. I feel inadequate in how to help her learn to not act out her emotions with aggression and anger. I want to know what she's thinking so badly so I can help her and love on her. Right now we still have a communication gap. We're working on it. Communication has improved by leaps and bounds but this specific area of emotions remains a challenge.

I hope and pray we'll have a breakthrough and be able to talk it through, and I pray that it's soon Very, very soon.

I'm clinging to this verse.

What does support mean?

From the Merriam-Webster Dictonary

Support

: to agree with or approve of (someone or something)

So let's take a journey through yesterday with my cute daughter who appears to be incapable of wrong doing, meanness, spitefulness and other such behavior. 

I leave home about 9AM and Libby has finally started to accept me leaving without full meltdowns so far so good, Cilla has planned to get some of her sewing work done in the morning before nap time and a busier afternoon. By noon Libby has destroyed a drawer in her dresser, strewn toys across the landing and will not accept anything but bodily contact with Cilla, 100% of the time. Cilla is now feeling behind in her sewing work, the playroom and Libby's bedroom have to be cleaned up because we have our house on the market. During the course of the day yesterday Cilla was pinched, bit, hit, spit at, yelled at, and then told that it's "cute" that an hour's worth of laundry was strewn across the floor.  

Let's move on to the afternoon. We had a meeting at 6:30, I left work early to meet them for supper and from the time they left home to the time they reached the restaurant (15 min drive max), Libby had taken off 2 shoes, 2 braces, 1 insert for a brace and glasses. A good portion of which was thrown at Cilla while driving. The only reason that the hearing aid isn't in the equation is that she is not allowed to have the hearing aid as it is equivalent to candy and will be chewed on as such and then thrown in multiple pieces  This is all before even attempting to eat in a noisy public place - I'm not even going there.

So back to the title. What is support. I can say with confidence that while most parents can relate to this type of day, they most likely are not having this type of day weekly or even daily.  We LOVE Libby, but some days her behaviors will drive you to the edge before lunch. Sometimes all that is needed is a simple, "I can not begin to understand what you are going though but I hope it gets better." Because quite honestly from our standpoint when we here someone with a complaint that their child had a 10 minute fit and it has worn them out and they now "know" how we feel..... Yeah, no. 10 minutes are a nearly daily occurrence. 30 minutes, an hour, occurs frequently.  Trust me, we've tried all kinds of methods in modifying behavior, most with limited success. We realize that we are not the perfect parents by any stretch of the imagination but our child does not respond to traditional discipline, our child is not the latest "fix it" project to figure out why she did what she did or what appropriate punishment is, If you really want to be a support to a family with a special needs child simply be there to listen. They don't need a "fix", they don't need advice because they have most likely already received a "fix" or "advice" from a family member or "professional" on how to handle the situation and those solutions are not working or may take many, many, many times of the same response from the parents to impact the child. They simply need someone to listen and say, "I don't understand but I am here to listen."

Here is another article on things that are great options for being a support to a friend with a child who has special needs.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-lin/special-needs-parents_b_1338169.html

24 Hours

Here is a glimpse into a typical day for us (Monday - Friday). 

We'll start at 12:00 AM.

Libby doesn't sleep through the night anymore. We're not sure what has changed, and we've tried several different methods to try to get her to sleep through the night. What has worked for others doesn't seem to work for us. We're not sure if she's waking up scared because she's alone or having a bad dream. Regardless, we're up in her room about 2 times per night starting at about 1:30. It takes between 15 - 30 minutes to get her back to sleep. When she has night terrors, we just crawl in bed with her and hold her. It's the only way we can calm her down. Bless her heart.

She wakes up around 7:00 AM, but it is sometimes earlier. It takes Libby a while to "get going". She's a grumpy bunny in the mornings. HA! She likes to watch Thomas the Train, Super Why, Monsters Inc., and Monsters University in the mornings while we get breakfast and lunches ready. I am now going into school at 7 every morning so it's a quick kiss, and I'm out the door. Sometimes I leave her crying, "Mama no go shool" Heartbreaking. Charlie brings Libby some "chood" and she eats while he finishes tidying up. Libby's turn to get ready can be a battle sometimes because the girl loves to stay in her pajamas! Charlie gets ready quickly while Libby plays.

Charlie takes Libby to school around 8:00. It can be later if it's been a rough morning. At school, "Daash" aka Dale walks Libby down to my room with Charlie. Libby then tries to get my kidlets to "Shing dush or piders". I give Libby the be a good girl speech, kiss and hug, and send her to her classroom next door. 

During the day, Libby and I see each other a few times. It's the best! 

At 3:00, Libby comes to my classroom, and she plays with my kids or "wowks" by "kalking" on the phone or stacking papers. She's very much a fan of sharpening pencils right now! My school kidlets are great with Libby. It's so heartwarming! When the kids leave, Libby has to visit with "Staash" aka Steph, Cheesa aka Lisa, and Shayull aka Shell. These ladies are the other 3 2nd grade teachers, and they love on Libby. :) 

We leave school most days at 3:30. We go home right after except on Wednesdays we run errands before speech. At home, Libby has to have snuggles. She needs my complete attention for 30 minutes - an hour and loves to be held like a baby. It's great bonding. It's sometimes a struggle for me as I've been going nonstop for over 8 hours, but she's worth it. Once we finish snuggling, I try to get Libby to play so I can get things set up for supper or try to sew. Getting Libby to play independently is a struggle. She usually follows me around the house. In the kitchen, we have a drawer that she gets to go through while I cook, and she will occasionally cook at her kitchen. In the afternoons, we seem to deal with fits so I've started trying to feed Libby a snack around 4:30 to see if that will help. So far so good. The fits have decreased. 

We start cooking at 6:00 and have it ready for Daddy when he gets home between 7:00 and 7:15. This is why we want to move. It's so late by the time Charlie gets home. :( Anyway, we eat our "chood" which results in a few time ins from dumping the plate, cup throwing, etc. 

After supper, we have a few minutes to play and then "A dath in da pub" Libby is part mermaid and LOVES bath time! By the time we finish with drying hair, flossing, etc. it's about 8:15. Libby gets to pick out 3 "gooks" to read and we enjoy reading them in her "wock wock chair" Then it's in the bed! She's asleep by 8:45 most nights. She stays asleep until the first wake up at 1:30. 

Once Libby is in bed, I'm able to get some sewing finished and occasionally watch TV with Charlie! 

On Saturdays and Sundays our schedule is more flexible. :) 

"Hep me!" as Libby would say!

Long time, no post.

I've started writing a new post several times now, and I keep deleting. I'm stumped.

One of Libby's new phrases is "Hep me". So... What would y'all like to hear about?

Unexpected Thankfullness

Thanksgiving always reminds me that I need to be more thankful.  It's very easy to get caught up in the stressful ins and outs of the daily grind, and I forget all too often to be thankful for what I have.

I'm thankful that I wake up during the night to my girl crying out "DADDY, MAMA COME!".  It's not a party at 2 AM, but it reminds me that God blessed Charlie and me with a beautiful little girl.  I don't always have a good attitude in the middle of the night, but I'm quickly reminded that I longed for that for several years.  Thank you Lord for your middle of the night blessings!

I'm thankful for messes, the many, MANY messes.  Each and every mess reminds me that my four year old is curious, stubborn, and mobile!  Currently there is cereal in the floor where the box was turned upside down.  Also, Libby's sock drawer is completely emptied with it's contents strewn throughout her room.  I don't like to clean, but each mess brings on a new learning experience for both of us.  Thank you Lord for the cleaning blessings!

I'm thankful for the words that come out of Libby's mouth. She's added new words to her vocabulary quite rapidly, and she loves sharing them with others.  The embarrassing ones are used mostly in public. For instance a buggy wheel dragging and making a loud noise results in Libby yelling, "MY MAMA POOP!" I let it embarrass me at first, but now I just say, "Oops, excuse me." Or the fake burping after a real burp.  She'll practice her fake burping skills (she's really good!) until I make her stop.  She then proceeds to tell me, "Mama, I burp!"  Thank you Lord for giving my daughter the gift of speech!

I'm thankful for stubbornness.  Go ahead and look in the dictionary to find stubborn.  You'll see a picture of Libby Rose... and me!  Being stubborn has helped me overcome many obstacles, and it's proving to do the same for Libby.  It's not fun at times being a parent of a strong willed child (sorry parents!), but I wouldn't have it any other way.  It's quite amusing to me that Libby and I don't have the same genetic makeup, but she's my mini me. :)  Thank you Lord for allowing me to raise a strong willed girl!

I'm thankful that I'm tired.  Seriously.  I'm not bored.... ever.  HA!  I love the duties that being a wife and mother bring, even cleaning (I'm not great at that so don't expect my house to be clean!).  I'm thankful for my job as a teacher.  I don't like even calling it a job.  It's my passion.  I'm thankful for my small business and how incredibly busy it keeps me, but I love it!  At the end of the day, I'm thankful to climb in bed and think about all that has happened.  Thank you Lord for keeping me busy!

In all seriousness, I'm working on being more thankful for the things that typically go unnoticed or griped about.  I'm a very blessed woman and have so much to thank Him for each and every day

Guest Post: How to be a good friend to parents with children that have special needs

1) Be Understanding That Time Is Precious And Limited

"There aren't enough hours in the day." We've all said it, but parents with children that have special needs experience a whole new level. They've got therapy after therapy, doctor appointments that may not even be in the same state or city, and still have to do the daily tasks such as making sure there is dinner, cleaning, and laundry. Lots of laundry.

Somewhere in there they REALLY want to fit you in, promise, but at the end of the day, sometimes all they need is a little quiet time with his or her spouse to vent about the day with someone who TRULY understands.

2) You Don't Understand

I know you mean well when you say, "I understand. My little Johnny bit until he was 3 years old." You don't understand. Your little Johnny is now a bright and well mannered 4 year old. Your friend is still longing for his or her child to do all the "normal" things that a typical child can, and they are working hard every day to make that happen, but right now, they are praising their child for taking their first step, or feeding themselves, or a million other things that we take for granted every day.

3) Be Flexible

"Thursday at 2:04 PM for 26 minutes." This may be the only time in the week, or month, that they can see you. They long for friend time, but reality is they have to schedule it just like they are scheduling doctor and therapy appointments. Sometimes these appointments work mutually, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are relieved that it didn't work out this time as it will give them 26 minutes of alone time or family time.

4) Don't take anything personally (or at least realizing it's not personal)

Okay, I know that's not possible always, but at least realize it's not meant to be personal. Truth be told, they are trying to do the same thing. Sometimes the things we say, even with good intentions, hurt. Deeply. Sometimes it can feel like you're walking a tightrope, but just remember they are on the other side of that tightrope trying to meet you in the middle. You're going to hurt their feelings (and they will likely hurt yours). Do what you can to realize it's not personal. Sometimes, it's survival.

5) Understand They Need You, But On Their Terms

As much as they long to spend quality time with you, and as much as they NEED that time, sometimes they have to do it on their own terms. This might mean skipping out on mid-day play dates so his or her child can nap, or it's the worst part of the day for their child. This means sometimes not being able to physically be there to support you. Refer back to number 4, and don't take it personally. They WANT to be there and they are crushed that they can't. Refer back to rule number 1 and 3,  and be understanding his or her time is precious and limited and you have to be flexible. Maybe they can't be there to support you that exact day, but maybe they can get together the next weekend to help you celebrate your accomplishment.

I couldn't ask for better best friends than Cilla and Charlie. I'm still learning how to be a good friend in this new chapter of our lives, but these are the things I've learned and a lot of times I am still learning. Each new phase means a new learning curve, but I'm confident we'll keep figuring it out one day at a time.

With love,

Jen

Quality

In the hustle and bustle of the day to day tasks, I'm finding it way too easy to not spend quality time with my family.  At times, I feel as though we're pulled in several ways at once.  I even think good things can add up to the point of making it "bad".  How do we make quality time for family?  I was joking to a dear friend today that I was going to put "down time" on my calendar.  Then I kept thinking about it, and I really like the idea!  Our calendar looks.... FULL! HA!

Saturday morning wasn't planned out, and it was so nice!  Libby spent the night with Dodie Friday night which was great even though I missed her like crazy.  I was able to sleep in (WHAT?!) and take a shower until the hot water ran out (WHAT?!).  Mama came over and she, Libby, and I ran errands.  Nothing fancy at all, but I loved every minute of it!  The day continued with quality time when Charlie got home, and the three of us had a blast!!!

I'm going to share a picture of my calendar with y'all.  It may not make any sense, but here it is.   I'm going to talk with Charlie tonight and add some "Leo Quality Time" for November!

Expectations

Is it okay to have high expectations for my special needs daughter?  You bet!  I'm a firm believer in setting the "bar" high.  It may be the teacher in me or the crazy planner, but it's part of who I am.  I feel like aiming high helps Libby so much.  

She exceeds my expectations at times! The amount of new words and phrases Libby is using amaze us!  Libby told me earlier today, "Mama, I want Daddy come home."  I asked her "WHAT?!" twice just to see if she would repeat it, and she did!  By the third time, she was pretty much screaming!  HA!  She's also exceeded my expectations by following commands from understanding what I'm saying.  She'll go get her shoes when asked or hand you the toy car when asked.  This amazes me because she's been exposed to the English language for ONLY 15 months.  It proves to me that she's a little sponge and is soaking up everything!  I'm constantly talking to her even while driving down the road to expose her to new words, sights, sounds.  "Libby look at the little blue car.  It says zoom zoom!" "Oh Libby look a car who turned without using a blinker... shame shame."

There are also times when expectations aren't met like I thought they would be.  I don't count these as failures.  We had hoped Libby would be walking on her own by the end of the summer.  She's not quite there, but man oh man has she progressed with walking!  10 or so steps at a time (when she focuses) and we're working on using the cane.  I know she'll walk independently someday.  That may mean using a cane or maybe on her own.  Either way is awesome!  We're working even harder on strengthening her trunk muscles, stretching her tight muscles, using essential oils to help her relax the muscles, and trying to make walking fun!  She throws fits at times when she'd rather be carried, and I rarely give in.  I know it looks HORRIBLE when I'm making her walk in Wal*Mart and she's throwing a hissy fit.  On a good day, I'll smile at the people who stare at us, and on a bad day I get out of the store as fast as possible!  She's learning that practicing walking holding my hand helps her get stronger and stronger.  She'll get there; I know she will!

I'll end with a picture of the girl who I expect to continue trying her best each day!!!

Fifteen

My sweet girl may be 4, but I've only been an "active" mama for 15 months so I'm still rather new at mothering.  I say "active" because I feel as though I've been a mother for longer than 15 months.  Very few people know I've had a miscarriage because, well, I just don't like to talk about it.  I miscarried in February of 2012.  We were heartbroken that we had lost our child, but we were excited that we were pregnant ON OUR OWN!  We had undergone quite a bit of fertility treatments and were told we wouldn't be able to conceive on our own. HA!  We had been praying about switching from domestic adoption to international adoption during this same month.  We met with our super supportive adoption caseworker and went over the countries we qualified for.  God kept bringing us back to a specific profile, our precious Rose.  While we still had the heartache from the miscarriage, we knew God had created Libby Rose just for us!

We began the process to adopt Libby in February of 2012, and we traveled to Hong Kong in July of 2013!!!  It was quite the journey itself, but our girl was so worth the wait!  When things are hard, I remind myself that my arms were empty just a little over a year ago.  It helps to ease to stress of being a mama.

Our sweet girl has special needs, and we wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!  In 2008 when we started trying to grow our family, we prayed for a healthy baby that was perfect in every way.  God gave us just what we asked.  No, we didn't pray for a child with special needs, but He worked on us through the journey and led us to international adoption, specifically special needs.  We were scared and still are sometimes.  We're human and we fear the unknown.  We do however, know God is in control and leading our journey.  Our little miracle has several diagnosis; Cerebral Palsy, Microcephaly, Bilateral Hearing Loss, Optic Nerve Atrophy, Thalassemia to name a few.   The doctors are amazed at the progress our girl has made, and so are we!  I'm a planner, but having Libby Rose has taught me that it's okay not to have every little thing planned out.  We still make plans, but they're altered a good bit.

Even though I'm still new to mothering, I'm not a fan of "free advice".  I'm not ashamed to ask for help or advice when I need it.  It baffles me when people tell me how I could help Libby walk, talk more, not be stressed, etc. because I'm doing good to make it through the many appointments and therapies we already do.  This journey has made me think about the words I say to others.  I try to think about if they'll be hurtful or taken the wrong way because words do hurt.  They hurt badly.  I'm not perfect; I still unintentionally hurt feelings and say things the wrong way.  Most of the time people who give me "advice" are trying to be helpful, but I've shed tears and called them buttfaces under my breath for their "advice".

Let's end on a happy note.  A then and now.  Then in July of 2013 and now October 2014.

Then	Now
1 Cantonese word	Over 200 English words and progressing a lot with sentences
Could only sit up and wobbly	Walking about 10 steps at a time and freestanding more
Attention span 1 page in a book	She will listen to "help" read an entire book
Had no sense of ownership	She'll let you know what's hers by saying, "MINE"
Couldn't see well	She now has adorable glasses and wears a patch daily
Couldn't hear well	She now has an amazing hearing aid
0 therapies	6 therapies a week
Couldn't use her left hand	She uses it more and more! WOOHOO Botox